Finding out that your chances of having a child are slim, if not impossible, can be a very traumatic and saddening experience for most potential parents. No one ever plans to hear that news and many describe different reactions: sadness, anger, disappointment, self-blame and shock. After the initial shock, upon learning the cost of various options for having a family, many people become overwhelmingly stressed. The price for options like fertility drugs, IvF treatments, adoption, surrogacy, they are costly and time-consuming.
Creating your own family can become a full-time job and the difficulty of considering these options leaves many couples wondering if it is worth it, if they are meant for it, and if that is a sign they shouldn’t be parents. These kinds of feelings can be poisonous even in the strongest relationships, so you need to be aware of some of the more mental and emotional tasks to practice so that you and your partner can stay hopeful and united on your road to a family.
1) Don’t Assign Blame
It may be your body, your partner’s body, both of your bodies, or neither of your bodies that be infertile. Sometimes, having a child without medical intervention or outside help is just not in the cards. But that doesn’t mean that assigning blame to one party is going to make that fact any easier to process. You may feel resentful or disappointed in your partner, but they are likely feeling the same way and blaming themselves for not giving you a family. It’s a horribly insensitive way to behave, and adding stress like this will only decrease your chances for conceiving naturally. So if you start having those feelings, you need to understand that they are coming from a selfish place and then forgive yourself. You have to be a united team to even try to have a child.
2) Find Support
Dealing with infertility is a stressful situation, no matter how emotionally prepared you feel. It’s hard to deal with the stress of not being in control of your body and not getting something that you want. When people plan their futures and families, they never plan for these circumstances and everyone’s reaction is different. Try to find a counselor, a support group, or an online community that you can talk to and be honest about your feelings and stresses. There are so many couples that go through the burden of infertility. You need to understand that you are not alone. Hearing stories about others’ struggles and successes can help you stay hopeful and emotionally stable.
3) Make Time for Each Other
For many couples, the quest for having a child can overtake their entire lives and relationships. All they can talk about, think or dream of is having a child. When it takes longer than anticipated or it just doesn’t happen, many forget how to be in their relationships and how to communicate with one another. When you are feeling particularly stressed or out of control, take each other aside and make time for one another. Do things you enjoy together and have fun.
You have to remember that you aren’t alone in your journey and that you have to maintain the relationship with your partner if you want to be successful parents. Be with one another and keep the lines of communication open on your feelings, fears and options. Remember, you’re in a relationship first. Without that establishment, you wouldn’t be in the struggle together.
This post was written by M.G. Bachemin.