Not Your Fault: Dealing with Relationship Issues Due to Infertility


Regardless of whether it affects a man or a woman, infertility is a serious condition that has mental, emotional and physical ramifications. Everyone is different in the way that they choose to approach the news that conceiving would be difficult if not impossible. What is important to remember is that no one is to blame. Infertility is a medical, biological condition, not anyone’s fault. You could no more control your ability to procreate than you could control the weather.

But when you are in a personal relationship or married, infertility can become a source of resentment and misunderstanding if both partners are not practicing the best communication and empathy. Let’s take a look at some methods that can help you navigate some of the more difficult moments on your path to a family.

1) The Blame Game

When the issue of infertility comes up in a relationship, it’s easy, almost too easy, to cast the blame onto one party. While it may be the easy way out, and you may think that it is helping you cope with the news, in the end, you are only hurting the person that loves you and hampering your chances of getting a family further. If you have feelings of resentment or anger, try talking with a counselor or therapist, separate or together, about these feelings. Keeping them bottled in or venting them all the time just hurts the others feelings and makes them feel broken. And if you are okay with making your partner feel that way, you may want to reconsider having a child with him or her.

2) Know the Options

You probably just assumed that you would be able to have children the natural way, but if you have been given the news that the option is unlikely to occur, it is important that you don’t just go ruling out all the other options for having a family. No one plans for something like this but it happens more than you may realize. But if you can keep the communication open on things like adoption, in-vitro fertilization, surrogacy, fostering or just not having children, you can keep your relationship strong and healthy. You can still have a family in a number different ways but if you try to silence your partner, what type of family atmosphere are you creating?

3) Be Kind to Each Other

Remember that your partner is the one that is going to help you raise this family, and whether it is you, your partner, or both of you that are having the fertility difficulties, be kind to one another. There will be days where you just don’t feel like being nice about it, days you’re going to be jealous of others, angry at the universe, stressed and tired, but those are the days that you should be even kinder to one another. When you are kind to each other, your body can reflect that lack of stress and make you feel good and possibly aid with conceiving.

Having a family is a wonderful privilege but for many, having a family the old-fashioned way may not be in the cards. It doesn’t mean that you are being punished or that you are not fit to be parents. It just means that you will have to find another path to creating your family. But remember that your family begins with your partner and that your relationship with be the cornerstone of your family.



About Teresa Berners

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